Wedding
I had a one night stand and loved it! It happened last night. I attended a wedding on February 5, 2022, two years into the pandemic. I was the minister of the wedding; my first time to lead a service. I fell in deep infatuation with the moment. There I was, in front of all these strangers, the Bride, the Groom, canopied by an oak tree wrapped in twinkling lights. The twilight had a trance over me. But not just me. The entire body of people, there, to give love to the couple, to the couple’s families. Bare and raw, my full face felt the cool air. My cheeks were flush with excitement. I was about to do something new. Something I never have done before. It was not a true one-night stand; but, there I was, trying to live life without consequences even though COVID hovered among the night ready to swoop in and leave it’s stain.
My smile radiated and warmed my body; not feeling the affects of the 46 degree temperature that cradled the moment. Speaking of growing together and through each other to the couple, and here, the crowd felt like they were in my words, in the hearts of those who stood before me, and in every breath I took. Looking deep into the eyes of the groom, telling him what his partner loved about him. His attention to me or maybe my words, made me feel noticed. Heard. The bride, nervous but present. Courted the night with comedy and vulnerability…
“I have been imagining this moment for a really long time. I’ve always pictured that standing up here would be someone who is smart, funny, good looking, ambitious, caring, passionate… and I’m so happy that (sigh) I am all those things.”
I felt powerful. But not in the way that I controlled. Instead, in a way that I belonged and embraced. I was being accepted and at the same time I did not intend to perform for attention. I expressed that discomfort was a sign of growth, and these moments needed to be held as sacred. I preached with passion:
“Before we talk about marriage, let’s talk about love. Think of love as a living being. Like all living creatures, let it grow through experiences, encourage it to share and be open. Give it space to breathe and discover. There will be moments of uncertainty and risk, but love, at its core, is courageous, strong, and curious. I say all this because this can be the essence of marriage: Courageous, Strong, and Curious. You are entering a new part of your relationship, and like love, marriage only grows through compassion, vulnerability, connection, honesty, and zest!”
The surge of emotions I felt as I said the words courageous, strong, curious, vulnerability, and zest filled my body with heat, tingled my skin, and opened my heart and mind to the unknowns of the moments that would follow. After pronouncing the couple as husband and wife, a rush of water exploded out of the fountain adjacent to the newly weds, and my chest, abdomen, and back became flush. I was ready to pursue the night.
Things happened very quickly after that. Now inside, bar tenders gifted me libations while acquaintances and friends huddled around me. My love, partner-in-life and cheerleader, greeted me with that twinkle in his eyes that always tells me how much he loves me. Masks were not present. The body heat of the space hugged me in a way I had forgotten. And I fully embrace it. I didn’t care in that moment. I had a drink in my hand, I was among people I liked. There was good music and great food. The night was young, and I was going to enjoy it!
Yes, I live in Texas. The state that became known for continuing to throw grand weddings throughout the early months of the pandemic. When Texas does something they do it big. Often through the first two years of the pandemic, I heard of people going to weddings and catching COVID. I heard of people dying because they felt obligated to go to their nieces’ and nephews’ weddings. I knew all this before I committed to officiating the wedding. I also knew that I was vaccinated. My husband was vaccinated, and my son was too. I knew that anyone we interacted with was often wearing masks in public and lived by the testimonies of research-based practices. I also knew that many people at the wedding were not vaccinated. I also knew I had no more control over how I could protect them and society. And above all, I also knew that in that moment, I just wanted to have fun. I swallowed the pill of selfishness. Or did I? Possibly in this great transition that we are experiencing, I am finding my way. Balancing responsibility to society and personal desires. What am I kidding? It’s never an either/or. It’s always all in variations.
And here, in this moment, I played in the tension that creates the dynamisms of life. The experiences that ignite passion and fuel my fires to give to the world. I danced in the same space that, at times, over the past two years challenged and broke me. I wore a lit up cowboy hat as I twirled around the crowded dance floor, while I simultaneously knew that four days later, I would be on a plane headed for the mountains. I knew all this and still said, “Well…we’ll see how it goes.”
It felt right. Right does not mean correct or perfect. Having heartfelt conversations, hugging strangers, toasting to an excellent groomsmen speech — I lived in the moment. My husband said it well, “It felt so normal.” And it did, until two days later when my son had a sniffle. Did I make the wrong decision? All I had to do was put on a mask? Why did you do this, now he can’t go on our first family vacation in two years!
COVID — Negative.
Thank God.
Was it worth the night? Yes. I think so…
Just thinking of how much fun I had. How much my husband and I felt connected in such a fun and jovial way. How enthusiastically I was embraced by the wedding guests. It was worth every moment.
Would I do it again? I don’t know. But it sure did feel right.